"A Haunting in Venice" in Time for October
Spooky Spoopy Skeletons
A whodunnit once more from the hallowed gray matter of Agatha Christie from a novel with the same story but different title.
This movie spooked me. Not nearly as much as the new Haunted Mansion movie, but there was exactly one moment where I had to cover my eyes because of the jump scare and its overwhelming oppressive vibes of spookiness.
That one scary moment comprised of a jump scare and a child and to be quite honest I find children terrifying so that was a no-brainer for me. They’re kinda creepy. They don’t know how to cover their mouths. They’re always sticky because of something they probably shouldn’t have put in their mouths.
Granted, children are creepy at the best of times and minimally manageable at the worst. Plop them into a horror film and you have the makings of my next nightmare.
There’s something about their plaintive innocence tainted by the world that is exacerbated in the horror genre. A mix-match bag of things that shouldn’t go together yet are for the sake of contrast.
Though the children aren’t super vital, they pop in every now and then to deliver a little narrative and unease. As children tend to do in every manner of the word.
Halloween Time
I love Halloween things. You see, I love the vibe. The crunch of leaves, the crisp autumn air, the PSL (though I don't like the flavor, I like what it stands for). I like the colors and the weather and the winding down of the year as all careers and people across the globe slow in their boots and take in the way the world's colors have dulled to an autumnal hue.
I DON'T like spooky things. I can tolerate them sure, but I don't go out of my way to watch them. Sitting through Barbarian was rough, and most every horror movie I've watched has been at the request of friends. Or accidental.
Those are two very different sides of a slightly lopsided and quirky coin. On one hand you have the Pumpkin Spice Girlies with their knitted beanies and flannels tucked into high-waisted jeans and Ugg boots. On the other hand you have Michael Meyers in fishnet stockings and Freddy Kreuger with a manicure. Two very, very different vibes that live on the same wavelength.
And I occupy the middle, like some sort of human personification of Switzerland.
Yet this movie tickles just the right amount of horror in my head. Which, if we're being honest, is a child's dollop in today's day and age of modern scare fests and torture porn.
In all actuality it's not even really horror.
I'm just a scaredy cat. I'm not a horror buff.
If you pointed a Nerf gun at my head, I would admit to indulging in the occasional thriller or mystery, which is more in line with what this movie is than anything too scary.
Hercule Poirot (Kenneth Branagh) is the funniest shit because he also does not live in a horror life. Despite the constant murders around him and the cases he takes on for intrigue or by design, he is a detective through and through and it's hilarious to me that for this film, he is basically a Sherlock-esque protagonist dumped into a would-be scary film.
And to set the record ridiculously straighter than me:
This is not a scary film. It has scary moments but it is not a scary film. Partly because of our main character, but also because of the staples of a mystery. The line between the mystery and the horror is blurred, but with Poirot's analytical mind on the case, we detach ourselves more and more from the fear and plug into the logic.
“A Haunting in Venice” had its moments. I can vividly remember one or two great moments of fear. But beyond that, this feels like a subtle Halloween movie to play in the background of a party that will slowly and surely attract guests to its screen like moths to a flame. Eerie, spectacularly designed with a beautiful cast. Why wouldn't you want to watch a movie set in Venice to the screeching tune of Halloween specters?
