The New "Haunted Mansion" Movie is Really Good

But Also Really Bad

This was a solid cast doing some funny things together. Overall? I enjoyed it!

The Good & The Bad

This still doesn’t the movie justice because the effects were actually really good and I got jump scared quite a few times.

The Good

This cast is phenomenal. We have Jared Leto as the Hatbox Ghost, LaKeith Stanfield as the heartbroken Ben Matthias, Tiffany Haddish as Harriet the overdramatic seer, Owen Wilson as a “priest”, Danny DeVito as an eccentric professor, Rosario Dawson as the inimitable Gabbie, and Chase Dillon as the spunky Travis.

Each character brings a unique energy to this ensemble cast, often necessary skills and optimistic vibes needed to weather the traumas of living in a haunted mansion. Save for Jared Leto.

Like, his character is a little bitch, but that’s besides the point. I guess that means he played his character well, but still. Bitch with a little ‘b’ because there was a lot of CGI on him and I thought that looked cool and earned him some merit points for appearances.

The new story that they created to make this story have a purpose is also something worthwhile to see. We follow heartbreak in every form and we see how that influences the people in this film. It’s not melodramatic or overstated, and it allows this movie to stand alone on its own feet separate of its ride origins or previous film.

Also the effects. The jump scares. Very good. I’m such a wimp when it comes to scary movies and I thought I could take this movie, no questions asked, but I was covering my eyes and getting scared whenever something sudden happened and I definitely blame the quality editing and special effects for that.

That PG-13 rating really be doing work.

The Bad

And of course, because of its history and the expectations we will inadvertently have, there is the bad.

Disney remakes are notoriously bad. Their remakes often feel like AI generated detritus with no heart, no soul, no love for the story they are trying to retell.

This remake had enough going for itself that its past iterations didn’t feel like it was bogging it down, but rather enhancing it. Not many do that. This Haunted Mansion (2023) has enough of a different story that it can stand alone, but knowing about the lore and the different parks’ versions of the ride adds to the appeal.

Ensemble casts are hard to do, and even harder to do well. Some of the characters felt 2-dimensional and unheroic because of that, but it fit the narrative and at least 4/6 of the main cast had a visible character arc and that’s a pretty damn good score.

As expected of a children’s movie, the humor is a little basic but nonetheless fun. It doesn’t rely on slapstick humor, and I appreciate how the dialogue and the edits and the characters themselves lent their whole bodies to deliver a joke and deliver it well. Comedy is all in the timing, and the pacing was good, though the jokes did feel childish. Regardless, I still got a good chuckle in.

Honestly? I think the only bad thing really is the fact that people absolutely love, they adore the original Haunted Mansion ride. Anything else attempting to share that limelight will always be second to their love for that ride, and anything masquerading as their love will be met with scorn and hatred.

Which I think is fucking ridiculous, but to each their own I guess.

Easter Eggs

Whoever designed these? Deserves a raise and probably a livable wage. Disney. Make it happen.

I love Pirates of the Caribbean (specifically the original trilogy) and I will defend that movie to the ends of time, especially because I love its ride counterpart so so much. It’s literally the best ride at Disneyland and I will gladly fight you on this.

Pirates was created from the ride, so the fact that Haunted Mansion is in the same vein, reprising the narrative from the original film from 2003 as well as the ride in the OG Disneyland, makes this a movie with high expectations.

Nostalgia is such a strong feeling I had when watching this movie. A brain freeze as well because I was chugging a large ICEE because the theater we were in had no AC and I was warm.

Any fan of the ride will love this movie. Heck, I’m less a fan and more of an appreciated observer of the fans, but I still enjoyed this movie. It was like most of the Haunted Mansion ride from Anaheim’s Disneyland was in some way incorporated into the movie.

You could see this in the portraits that moved, the statues whose eyes followed you around the room, the doom buggies, the ghosts following you home, Madame Leota, the punny tombstones.

All the little details that make the Haunted Mansion ride iconically the Haunted Mansion ride, were included in this movie but it didn’t feel like a shoe-in or awkwardly done. It had its place and actually helped to tell the story of a mansion fallen on hard, haunted times.

Whatever you have to say about this movie, you cannot deny the effort and love they put into weaving their Easter eggs throughout it.

I felt the same way about the cast of characters too!

This is a star studded cast. Too many people to count, so many famous actors making a cameo for a scene, never to be heard from again.

It’s hilarious in its own way, but also so fucking funny.

Hasan Minhaj shows up to deadpan some jokes. Winona Ryder pops in to be a tired tour guide. Dan Levy billows in bombastic and underutilized. Jokoy mixes a drink and there’s Jared Leto who, as per usual, has a character that causes problems.

Calm Your Tits, It’s a Kid’s Movie

I also didn’t realize until much much later that majority of the cast is absolutely STACKED. Like, the cast is probably where majority of the money went if we’re being honest.

Beyond anything I’ve said and beyond any vitriol you will read online about this movie, I beg of you to remember:

This is a kid’s movie. Made for kids.

That is the target demographic. Disney has the lucky misfortune to have a stalwart fanbase that has grown up with their films and will flock to the movies to support (or hate) whatever they put out. Disney often puts out half-baked movies because they know their fandom will support no matter what. But this “support” comes with the added poison of having a fanbase that is overly judgmental.

Anything said or done will be scrutinized by millions upon millions of people who all have a very specific, unique idea of what they want their childhood to look like on the screen. There is no way in high heaven or hell a movie would be able to please the masses to such a degree.

This production studio is famous to the point that anything they do will be torn to shreds and put back together by the very same fans.

They cannot and will not please everyone.

And to that:

Just. Like, enjoy it man. I went onto Letterboxd and the amount of people downvoting and tearing apart this movie because of the stupidest and simplest of reasons made me sick to my stomach.

This is a kid’s movie.

It’s supposed to be fun and light and entertaining. It’s no Oppenheimer and it’s no Barbie but it’s appeal lies in its simplicity and respect for the source material.

I’m not saying to not have expectations. But I am recommending to lower them. And maybe just have fun with it. This movie isn’t reinventing cinema (that was never its purpose) but not every movie is trying to reinvent the wheel of reels.

I had a lot of fun watching this movie, but I know so many people out there hated it.

I say watch it to judge for yourself, but do so with an open mind. Hold the analyses, the critics, the judgements— if you can, let yourself be swept up by the magic of the movies and just have fun with it.